Making Connections As Parents
When we become parents, our established connections change. It’s important to be adaptable and open to making new connections.
The poem, ‘Getting to know you,’ reflects the first connections with our child.
Getting to know you
The scan and seeing the beating of your tiny little heart,
Knowing that it’s really only just the very start.
Growing ever bigger as you struggle to find room.
Feeling kicks and hiccups as you move inside the womb.
Hearing your first cries just as you come into the world
Beginning your life’s journey – soon to be unfurled.
The gripping of my finger with your tiny little hand
The feelings and emotions only parents understand.
Before we become parents, many of us are reasonably comfortable with who we are. Our connections are often well-established with our partner, family, friends and colleagues. It’s easy to see where we fit in.
In becoming parents, things change. Much of our focus, quite rightly, is on bonding with our child. But the importance of making connections as new parents goes deeper than that. It’s a bit like trying to add an extra piece to an already complete jigsaw - it isn’t possible – you have to create a new jigsaw.
Our first priority has to be our child - to understand what they’re trying to communicate and to show them unconditional love. We can often be bombarded with advice from well-meaning onlookers.
· There are the ones who are parents themselves – they know what worked for their child so believe they know what is best for yours too!
· There are the ones who have never been parents, who will present a common sense approach as if you’ve never thought of it!
· Then there are the professionals, who give great advice, but who can’t be there for every decision.
It is common to get conflicting advice too.
A Mum’s Lament
Oh, whatever can I do?
Up to my eyes in nappies and poo!
Baby has been up all night!
Will I ever get it right?
Tried to sing a lullaby
My Auntie Jean says “Let him cry!”
Not the same from Auntie Jo
Who’d pick him up and not let go!
It isn’t that I mind advice
Consistency would just be nice!
Peace at last...there is a lull
Life with a new born’s never dull!
Sarah’s Baby Matthew
As novice parents without a ‘one size fits all’ manual, it’s sometimes hard to know what to do, but we know our child better than anyone else and so are best placed to make decisions – even tough ones!
Communication
Every baby’s different
No one rule fits them all
It isn’t very easy
Looking after one so small!
The tears of a new born baby
Test the patience of a saint!
Leaving parents feeling
Overtired and often faint.
If only they could tell us
The cause of their loud cry
We would be much more able
To help or pacify.
But we learn to read their signals
And interpret their small cues
And in turn develop strategies
That we begin to use.
And in return they give us
That tiny baby smile
Telling us we’re doing well
And making it worthwhile!
One of the most useful connections to make as a new parent is new parent friends. Whether it’s developing current friendships, meeting with NCT friends or attending parent and baby groups (even if they are online, with the Covid situation). Sometimes it can be trial and error finding your tribe – other mums who have a similar outlook and parenting style. The main thing is to get out of the house (where possible) and to talk to others in the same boat. That said, you can’t judge your child against someone else’s. The parent who will shout from the rooftops about their child sleeping through the night, may not be as quick to tell you that their child won’t eat. Be honest with other parents and use the sessions to gather ideas to try out.
Mums and Babies Group
My local Mums and Babies group
Helps to keep me sane.
With adult conversation
To stimulate my brain.
When I am feeling anxious
It helps to get me through
To hear that all the other mums
Have fears and worries too.
We talk about our babies
And get stuff off our chest
And reassure each other
We can only do our best.
We have a laugh and giggle
About the week we’ve had
Sharing our experience
The good things and the bad.
By the time our tea is finished
And we’ve put the world to rights
We’re re-energised to face
Another week of sleepless nights.
It’s important to make time for self-care in order to be a good parent. We need to adjust to our new role as mum or dad and to re-connect with ourselves and with each other. We need to adjust to who we’ve become and it’s good to give each other the headspace to do this. We’re not just Mum and Dad, we’re still individuals, a couple, daughter or son, siblings, friends and colleagues.
It’s a good thing to take time out for yourself and together – even if that means an extra 2 hours in nursery occasionally so you can go for an uninterrupted meal together. We once felt guilty about going to the cinema one afternoon while our son was at nursery. We looked across the half-empty cinema and spotted another couple from nursery doing exactly the same thing! Re-charging your batteries is good for everyone.
It can be hard to maintain friendships with people who have children of different ages, or no children – but it’s not impossible and lifelong friendships matter.
By prioritising what is most important and putting baby’s needs and your needs before anything else, you’ll be giving yourself the brain space to develop as a new family. If you can be flexible and adaptable, you’ll be open to new connections and new opportunities for you and your child. I didn’t expect that becoming a mum would lead to being a published author, doing radio interviews & talking to big groups like at Mothercare and the launch event for Baby Week Leeds. It’s also led to a change of career for me. I’ve moved from being a part-time teacher, to working freelance as The Parenting Copywriter. I provide content for baby, child, parenting and educational brands and businesses.
It’s amazing how our children can often inspire us in different ways to find a version of ourselves that we didn’t know before.
Related Links
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Daze-Humorous-Honest-Motherhood/dp/1912362139
https://www.instagram.com/sarahdavis_author
https://www.facebook.com/SarahDavisWriter
https://theparentingcopywriter.co.uk
Bio
Sarah Davis is the author of a book called ‘Baby Daze.’ Recommended in ‘Mother & Baby’ magazine’s ‘3 of the best funny books’ feature, ‘Baby Daze’ reflects the rollercoaster of parenting a new born – from the first scan to the end of maternity leave - with everything in between! Sarah wrote the light-hearted poems unexpectedly, while up for the 3am feeds! By the time her son was 8 months old there were 40 poems! Sarah has done many talks about her experiences as a mum and has now had career change from a part-time teacher to working freelance as The Parenting Copywriter.
‘Baby Daze’ is available from Waterstones, independent bookshops, Amazon and other online stockists.
